Wait wait wait…..ugh

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“Sometimes I gotta boss my heart around by telling it to trust God’s promises, no matter what my emotions or circumstances are telling me. Here’s one verse I use when my heart needs a little bossing: I remain confident of this: I WILL see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Ps.27:13-14″ ~ Renee Swope

There are so many Christian writers that I take great pleasure in reading and Renee Swope is certainly one of them.  She is a strong believer of The Word and relates it so perfectly to our lives today.  When I read this little insert from a Proverbs 31 devotional I just laughed. Of all the things that I like to boss in the world my heart has not been one of them!!!  My heart seems to have a life totally apart from my brain in soooo many aspects of my life and has been totally and completely “unbossable” up to this point!  Really!!

As you know-I am a divorced mom of three incredible children.  While I won’t go into any long and detailed story of my marriage and ultimate divorce what I will say is this.  While their dad and I don’t agree on many things in life there is one thing that we do agree.  If it were not for each other then these three incredible children would not exist and for them I am so thankful that we were together.

Over the last 6 years since our divorce there have been a couple of really incredible individuals that came into my life.  I was treated with the utmost respect and enjoyed my time being someone other than a caregiver, a nurse, a carpool, a teacher, a disciplinarian, and a housekeeper.  Ultimately, I always returned to the most important job in the world and that is being a mother.

At this time in my life there is nothing more important to me than my children and their welfare but I have to admit……….The nights get long.  I have often asked my best friend if they thought I would see true happiness this side of heaven.  Their answer has always been yes. Still I had doubt. I have even questioned God and said- “What exactly is Your plan for me Lord?  I mean really! Why is it that I am 51 years old and laughingly single?  Why am I trying to sell my house and move in with my parents?  Why am I not settled into a stable routine?  LOL  I have no clue because God hasn’t given me the answers yet!  But He will!!  I will wait on Him and He will give me the goodness that He has planned especially for me.  I can’t wait to see how my story develops!!!!!!!!

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Sixteen years ago today I gave birth to one of the most independent, strong-willed, big hearted, larger than life baby boys!!! I can’t imagine what life would have been like had God not surprised us with him.

Now some people may not know why he was such a surprise.  When I had my first two children, I had a lot of medical issues-high blood pressure among them-so it was decided (much to my dismay) that I should not have any more babies.  I reluctantly agreed to have surgery to prevent any more pregnancies and went on with my life and two perfect babies-a boy and a girl.  In my heart I knew that I had wanted another child but medically it just didn’t seem like it was a grand idea.

God had other plans.  When my second baby was only 13 months old I found out that I was six weeks pregnant.  After a couple days of complete shock-the news settled in and I realized that God had indeed heard my prayers and was going to give me another child.

My little caboose baby boy brings so much joy to our lives.  He is strong-both in body and spirit-and has the biggest heart around.  I know that God has such plans for his life and I am excited to see where He takes him.  I love you baby boy and thank God daily for allowing me to be your mom!!

A little piece of folded paper……

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It was just a little piece of folded paper found on the floor in my office. Crumpled and tattered.  I have no idea where it came from. As I read the words neatly typed on that little piece of paper tears came to my eyes.  The tears stung my eyes as I read them but the memories of days gone by came flooding back to my heart.  Quietly I sang those words just like I  had at least a million times before with each of my children.   I strategically left out words for them to insert into the song as I sang.  I remember each of my precious babies singing all the words right along with me as they got older.  Oh how I loved those days.  I still love the memories.   They will always be…….My Sunshine.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
you make me happy when skies are gray
you’ll never know dear, how much I love you,
please don’t take my sunshine away.I’ll always love you and make you happy
if you will only say the same
but if you leave me to love another
you’ll regret it all some dayYou are my sunshine, my only sunshine
you make me happy, when skies are gray,
you’ll never know dear, how much I love you,
please don’t take my sunshine away.
I never found out how the piece of paper came to rest on my floor but I thanked God for it being there.  Thank you Lord for small blessings of the day.

He Is With Us….

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Times of uncertainty plague us all at some point in our lives. I try desperately to call upon verses that give me comfort when times of uncertainly arise in my own life.  One of my favorites is Joshua 1:9  Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous, Do not be terrified;  do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. I will be strong.  I will be courageous.  I will not be terrified.  The uncertainly of my days will be guided by You alone.  I am on a mission to get healthy and to feel better about myself. My recent surgeries have caused me to get little exercise (hard to walk in a non weight bearing cast or boot-LOL), thus gaining weight and zapping energy.  Confidence is not one of my strongpoints and the last few months certainly have not helped with my insecurities!!  :)  With His help I will be the mother that I was destined to be-one that encourages, teaches, and disciplines my children the way they should be.  With His help I will increase my ability and my desire to be the kind of person that He wants me to be in EVERY aspect of my life-not just the ones I chose.  Thank you Lord for the blessings and for those yet to be received.  

P.S.  I also want to share an uplifting song that spoke to me recently.  Check out the official version of He Is With Us by Love & the Outcome  

Just when I needed You most……You were there.

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I have had my 51st birthday and very little has changed in a year.  Although my mom is healthier-her struggles are daily with her health but we are blessed to still have her and my dad still around doing their best to keep us in line.

My girl has finally decided on her chosen career-one that I knew that she was destined to be fantastic at all along.  She is in hotel/restaurant management at East and will continue on to the “W” in either culinary arts or food science.  She is already an awesome chef in our eyes and has a plan mapped out for the future.  I have no doubt that she will allow God to plan out her steps.  She has come a long way!!

My boys are typical boys-on the go-all the time.  School, sports, girls.  The year is almost over.  It’s really scary how fast time is speeding by these days. Before long my 3 will be grown and gone off to follow in His plan for their own lives. I pray that God places a Godly spouse into each of their paths.

Sometimes I get an email called Message From God.  It starts out like this…..Today God wants you to know…..  Well today this is what it said.  “Today God wants you to know ……….You know that thing you have been putting off? Now is the right time to do it. Remember … if you act like now is all the time you have, you will always have all the time in the world.”  Well today God asked me to do something that I am not at all comfortable with doing.  In fact-it is one of those things that hurts my heart.  While I know that His will and His plan is so much better than mine-it is sometimes so hard to follow when your heart is all tangled up.  I am reminded of one of my favorite verses today that helped me to follow through with the decision.  “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”Hebrews 11:1

I hope and I pray that God allows my plan to align with His and if that cannot happen I hope and I pray that He will make His plan so clear and perfect that I can’t help but see it!!!

I thank You Lord for all that you have blessed me with and for those yet to come!

BTW-As I sat writing this entry-a Ladybug swooped down by my face and landed on the computer screen.  I really can’t make this stuff up!!  It happened- FOR REAL!!!

And so it begins…..

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This was my original post from January 25, 2013………Wow-Over a year has gone by and I still have not gotten this blog off the ground.  I am hoping that that will change ……TODAY!!

You will learn very quickly that I write like I speak-not necessarily a good thing when it comes to writing!! LOL  Writing in this fashion allows me to be me without any preconceived conception that I am anyone besides ME!! For those that don’t know me, I am sure that you might be wondering where the ladybug theme came from.  I want to tell you a little story about that…………………As I sat on the couch crying one night-not a normal cry but the kind where you can’t breathe because your heart hurts so badly.  I was taking on the phone to my absolute best friend when a ladybug sat herself down on my shoulder.  Slowly she made it over to my heart.  I couldn’t understand what was going on but sat just as still as I could to see how long the ladybug would stay. She sat very still for at least 20 minutes. I have always believed that God sends us little messeges of hope to keep us going-No matter where we have all been or what we have yet to go through He gives us hope.  Sooooo I started to wonder if this lone little ladybug could be a sign!!! I started to research the Ladybug and found out some very interesting facts.  The Ladybug is often seen as a messenger of promise that can reconnect us with the joy of living, teach us the need to release our fears and return to love. We know that fear and joy cannot co-exist in our lives. I believe that these are some of the messages that the ladybug brings to us.  The Ladybug also teaches us how to restore our trust and faith in the Holy Spirit.  Since that night of many tears,  I have a very different feeling when the ladybug appears. Simply put…the Ladybug is telling us to get out of our own way and allow the Holy Spirit to enter into our lives. Isn’t that beautiful!!!!  There have been several well timed “Ladybug sightings” since that very tearful night two years ago.  I know that God had His hand in every single one of them.

In just a few days I will turn 50.  WOW….50.  It used to seem so old.  Now-not so much!!!  I’ve thought about turning 50 a lot during my year of being 49.  Have I accomplished everything that I wanted to accomplish in the first 50 years of my life?  Have I been the mother, daughter, sister, or friend that I set out to be so many years ago? What about the mistakes that I have made along the way?  Have I asked forgiveness of those that I have hurt unintentionally?  And probably one of the most asked questions of all-would I change anything along the way.  Lots to ponder on for sure!!!

In the coming days, months, and years those questions will be answered.  As some of you know my life has been an interesting one with twists and turns, ups and downs, and lots of surprises!!!  Some quite serious and some just plain unbelievable (and funny too)!!! Through all the ups and downs I am still a firm believer that all things happen for a reason and that God can make all things good (even the difficult times) for those that serve Him.  Oh – and I also believe that God places earthly angels to gently guide us into the direction that He wants us to go.  How beautiful is that!!!

And speaking of beautiful!!!!!!  I am the proud mother of the 3 most beautiful children in the world.  What am I saying-they are my world.

Sooooo much for my first post!!!!  This might turn into a lot of fun!!!  Have a blessed day!!!

Really God?

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This post was also written early in 2013-I am going to do better about my posting from here on out!!   :)

To say that my faith has been tested over the last few months would be an understatement of gigantic proportions. Through my mom’s breast cancer and other health issues to the everyday life of being a single mom to 3 incredible (and busy) teenagers it has been something else!

For me to even think that I have something to say that someone else might find encourging is beyond me but God put this on my heart months ago. I have ignored until now so here we go.  This blog will consist solely of what He puts on my heart to say for the day.

Since I have been stuck on this couch this week with the flu I have had some time to think, reflect, and to pray.  I found myself watching the food channel a lot since I have a love for cooking but got “Hooked” on a show call Restaurant Stakeout. The basis of the show starts with restaurant owners realizing that their business is in trouble so they ask for assistance in rebuilding.  The “guru” brought in to save the day installs cameras and recorders to be able to view employees as they work and carry on their day to day duties.  inevitably-they are caught doing things that they should not.  Hummm-what a novel idea!  What if every move, every action, thought and deed of our day were recorded.  Would we be thrilled, ashamed, disappointed?  Guess what?  All those things are real.  Our Heavenly Father sees all.  Everything that we do we should do realizing that our Father is aware.   I know that I am guilty of disappointing Him on so many occasions.  My mission is to please Him every day of my life.  No more hiding, running, or pretending. I am His.  I am a child of God. My life has changed greatly over the last 3-4 years when I conciously made a decision to live closer in His will.  I know that I will continue to fail Him daily but I will forever remember the recorder that follows my every thought, action, and deed.